I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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