Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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