And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
