dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
