Little spoons don't ask big questions
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
