blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
