do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
