he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
