I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
ok first of all what the fuck
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