and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
