What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
