Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
