On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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