I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
