sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
