I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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