So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
