I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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