Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
