they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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