is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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