and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
