My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
