I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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