I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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