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Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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