are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
