So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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