You're completely useless in the revolution.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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