Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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