why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
