I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
