Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
