we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
