Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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