You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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