I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
