one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
