It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
