I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
