i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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