I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
