you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
