I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
