The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
