I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
