And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
