Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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