"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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