Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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